I’ve always said that anything you can imagine that does not defy the laws of physics, somewhere, somehow it’s happening. Go ahead imagine the craziest thing ever….yep! it’s happening somewhere!

There are two communities you get acquainted to as an amputee (or generally as a disabled person); Transabled & Devotees

Transabled

An abled body person with a “desire or the need to identify as disabled by transforming their body to obtain a physical impairment,” These people have the strong urge to become deaf, blind, paraplegic, amputees etc- They are generally classified into two groups, those who use adaptive devices to be viewed as disabled whether in private or public and others who go to the extreme by rendering themselves blind, paralyzed and even cutting off their limbs.

As crazy as it may sound, I’m still undecided on how I feel about those who identify as Transabled. After all, how is it different from Transgenderism? If I accept the latter must I also accept the former? Before you ask, YES there are people who identify as both transgender and transable. For or against? until I take a side I won’t explore this topic further.

Devotee

A person who sexually fetishizes people with disabilities, and some have preferences ie. blind, amputee etc.. Apparently a large portion of transabled are also devotees. It’s also important to add that the majority of devotees are men. (Sips tea)

Although I’m giving transabled a pass (for now), devotees in my opinion is simply wrong. Fetishizing someone’s physical characterics means you often don’t see the person as a whole and perhaps unable to form a real bond. This applies to other types of fetishism (ethnicity, hair color, butt etc..)

Why would someone date a devotee!

Many women have body insecurities which mostly derives from the unrealistic body images that the media feeds us everyday. We have come to believe that beauty comes in a certain size, skin color or shape- and when you add disability to the mix there can be added insecurities. That is not to say that every woman with disabilities struggle with their bodies but personally It’s something that I have been quite open about. When you are insecure about how you look, that affects your dating life as well. I believe that many disabled people are under the impression that they won’t be desired by another person so what better match than someone who is specifically looking for what they have. If a person knowingly dates a devotee, I’m not here to shame them but not knowing that the person you are with belongs it that category is cringe worthy.

Devotees before social media vs now

Before instagram & twitter, devotees had to either go to a devotee/Disabled group to find what they wanted or infiltrate yahoo support groups and close communities on MySpace and Facebook. Those days are long gone and with a simple hashtag (#amputee #disability #bionicchick) they have a collection of pictures available to use as they see fit (if you get my drift).

Signs that you are dating a devotee.

-if your partner has dated other people with the same disability as you (or strictly dates people with disabilities)

-Makes uncomfortable comments about your disability

-Constantly talks about your disability

-Sometimes there’s so way to know but your gut feeling

How to avoid them in the dating app/website culture

1. Be skeptical of anyone sliding in your DM (direct message)

2. The biggest question I get is whether one should disclose their disability on their dating profile.That’s a tough one, I don’t think it’s ever necessary to write it in your bio but don’t refrain from posting full body picture because of it either. In some case it might be worth mentioning before setting up a date if you require an accessible restaurant for example. Frankly, I’ve done both disclosing and not disclosing right off the bat and believe me whatever you do you will meet a jerk. (No one is immune to that)- be aware that disclosing your disability in your profile might be a way to attract devotees but I’d say the chances of one landing on your dating profile are slim.

Go on with your bad self: love yourself, exude confidence, put yourself out there but do it with caution.

-Mama Cax